just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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