Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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