I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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