Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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