One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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