im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You're a waste of cheezeits
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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