You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My Higher Power is John Stamos
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
