my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
