guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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