I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
