What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
