I love black thongs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
