Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
