Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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