You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
