idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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