If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
