batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
