did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
