Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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