woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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