Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
