I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
