I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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