Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
