That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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