the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
