Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
