Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
