Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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