My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
