marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
