You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
