i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
