like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
