i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
