i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
