You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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