did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
