What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
