the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
