Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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