Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
