i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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