when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
