hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
