hotel room ftw
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
