Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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