Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
