I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
